One of the toughest feelings is that of getting second place. It’s said that Olympic athletes deal with this idea; gold medalists obviously are ecstatic and even bronze medalists are proud of being able to place in the top three of the world’s athletes. The silver medalists though, that’s the hardest placement. Silver medalists are often the most tortured mentally, battling the inner fight of the fact that they were good, just not good enough. Milliseconds off of making it across the finish line first, but never getting there first. I’ve felt like this as of recent. I feel like I just keep coming up short.
The enemy like to do that to us. Trick our minds into thinking we are just not good enough. Maybe it’s not always the enemy, but the words of others that cause us to feel this way. If you have read my blog for a while you may know this, but for those of you who are new, when I was in high school I never felt like I was enough. I had a teacher straight up tell me I wasn’t going to make it in the world because I couldn’t grasp my education. I was rejected from the colleges I wanted to get into. I struggled with my direction, dealt with some wild family stuff, and just wanted to serve God all the time. I just never felt like I was enough. Even in my previous church job, I just felt like I was never good enough, being passed over for others, and each day having these feelings reinforced by the interactions with those around me.
It was hard.
It is hard.
Yet, there is hope, there is always hope.
I’ve been really bummed by applying to jobs. My wife and I are moving to Orlando, and while my wife has a job once we get there, I don’t. So, my current job is finding a job. It’s hard because it feels like I’m no good enough. Again, the lies and doubts of myself begin to creep in. This isn’t a blog written to get sympathy, I would be foolish to say that what I am going through is harder than what you may be facing, I simply am writing this because we all face moments like this. We all deal with these doubts of our worth, our value, our place on this planet. I then had a moment this past week where I was reminded of a song. It’s a worship song, and not a cheesy one, it’s probably one you haven’t heard of before (geez that sounded really hipster/pretentious). It’s called “Yeshua” by The Ember Days. Music helps me focus, and this song centered me. It reminded me of a truth that is my God, an aspect of his being that has not and will never change. He is God and he is Yeshua.
The Yeshua is a name for Jesus, its origins can be found in the old testament as they were a sign of a future savior who would deliver his children. I want to focus on those two aspects of this name’s translation. It’s important to remind yourself of these aspects when you are facing a battle in front of you. Whether you are in the midst of a battle now, have been fighting the words spoken over you, or trying to grow out of the lies Satan has spoken over you; rest in the name of Yeshua.
We are all in need of saving.
I love superhero movies. A person with great power standing up for those who cannot defend themselves. What a powerful picture of what our savior did for each of us. As much as I would love to be a superhero, the truth is, I’m not. I don’t have the power to rewrite mistakes or prevent the danger that might come at me, but God can. When I think about this feeling of not being enough, I sometimes think that someday I will prove everyone wrong, one day I’ll make it. The thing is, when I live in that mindset, I forget about God. I know, I know that sounds bad, but we all do it. It’s easy to love God when the seasons are plentiful, it’s harder to love God when the fields are barren. We tend to forget that Jesus already saved us. So many moments can be filled with asking God to save us from this spot we are in, but it’s already happened. He has already saved you, even though it may feel like you’re all alone, God is right there with you. We all need saving, and the best thing is, we have already been saved, you just have to walk into that relationship.
We need to live in the beauty of deliverance.
I love that the name Yeshua is not just savior, but deliverer. Being saved is one thing, but being delivered is a complete life change. Jesus didn’t come to save us once, he came to save us and deliver us out of the muck. An addict can have their life saved, but unless they are fully delivered out of their addiction, they just fall back into the same life. I don’t want to live like this. I know God has made me and designed me for his unique purpose, why then would I choose to listen to the lies that say I am not enough? Why then do I choose to live in the silver medal mindset, believing that I will never be good enough? I need to rest in the name of Yeshua, the one who has not just saved me, but has given me deliverance out of my sin and shame. All he asks is that I choose to follow him. That I would walk in relationship with him. That is the beauty of Yeshua, he is my savior and deliverer, and because of this, I can live in freedom.
I’m so thankful for that song and the reminder it left me. I am not coming up short, I am not second place, I am not missing the mark. The truth is, God says I am enough, so no matter what the enemy or others may speak over me, it simply falls apart at the power of Yeshua. I don’t know your story, you may be dealing with an incredible amount of hurt and pain, but hold on to hope.
It’s the power of the cross and the empty grave; hope.
There is always hope.
You are made in the image of God, and that means you have been designed with a great purpose. Sure, the timing may not be to the scale of what you would like, and trust me I understand that completely, but your time will come. God will open the doors, make a way, and reveal the big picture. That doesn’t mean hard moments won’t happen or that tragedy will stop, there will always be tests, but by clinging to the power of what Jesus has done for us, we can live in the freedom that Yeshua provides.
Rest in freedom.
About the Author: Joshua Thomas is a writer by day and superhero by night. When he’s not writing and crimefighting, you can find him reading a good book, sipping warm tea, taking pictures, or dreaming. The young writer doesn’t fully know what he’s doing, but is enjoying the journey of it all. You can tweet memes at him on Twitter @joshua_thomas__ or follow his hipster photos and Jack Kerouac musings on Instagram @joshua_thomas__